


Up in Smoke

by FleshRemembers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki Gift Exchange 2019, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Gen, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleshRemembers/pseuds/FleshRemembers
Summary: Hidan drags Deidara into helping him pull a prank.
Relationships: Deidara & Hidan (Naruto)
Kudos: 16
Collections: Akatsuki Gift Exchange





	Up in Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> For anonbinaryartist on tumblr. Hope you like it!!

"You want to do what?"

Deidara sat at his pottery wheel, working on some shitty vase for a kid in his class. He wasn’t making it very well- only shooting for a B+ to remain realistic with the kid’s skill. He already got paid and finished his own work so he figured he should keep his word.

He was enjoying himself well enough, until Hidan, his ever annoying and intrusive roommate stormed in with yet another harebrained scheme.

Wiping his hands on his smock, Deidara looked up at Hidan with an irritated look.

"I said, I want you to help me make some of those flare or smoke bombs you made before or something for me to set off at a party next week."

Taking a deep breath, Deidara asked, "Why?"

Hidan smirked. "Revenge."

Deidara frowned. He started his wheel back up before responding. "What’s in it for me?"

"Uh... the fun of it?"

"No."

"What?!"

"No!"

"Why not?!"

"Cause i'm not trying to catch a charge over something that's not my problem, yeah? Not to mention the supplies and effort we’ll need to do it."

Hidan sighed. "Ok, fine. What can I give you to get you to help me?"

"You don't have shit and you know it."

Hidan folded his arms. "Fine. How about this, I'll go with you to that art store you like- Michael's or Mitchell's or whatever- and cause a distraction so you can steal those- what are they? Croptic markers? that you've been wantin'?"

Deidara squinted at him. "Copic markers. And it's gonna take more than that, yeah."

Throwing his hands in the air, Hidan groaned. "Augh, goddamn, fine! I’ll also help you break into the art building to use their kiln and help get the supplies."

Deidara paused. Now that made for a tempting deal. "How the hell can you break into the art building?”

Hands in his pockets, Hidan gave that smarmy smirk that he wore all too well. It pissed Deidara off. “I’ve done it before, I can do it again.”

A question hung in the air. At Deidara’s raised eyebrow Hidan just said, “Industrial glue.” The blond didn’t even want to know.

Sighing, he stopped the wheel once more. “You aren’t gonna leave me alone until i agree are you, huh?” Or potentially do something worse, he thought. Hidan just smiled with his teeth.

“Alright. I’ll draw up a list of supplies for you to get. But since we’re on such a short time frame, we’re doing smaller scale work and you’re gonna help me make some of it.” He paused. "And they are smoke bombs only."

Hidan started to whine, but Deidara put up a hand. “The deal you’re giving me is not that good, yeah, it’s just good enough. This way too, yeah, you don't, like, get someone killed or either of us arrested."

"We both already have records, what's the difference if there's another charge?"

Deidara's look asked if Hidan was dumb and Hidan stared back as if to say, sometimes, yes. "It'll be too difficult to find another roommate, and I don't feel like traveling to visit you in jail. Look, that's the deal, yeah?"

"Alright, fine." Hidan spit into his hand and held it out to his roommate. "Let's shake on it."

Disgusted, Deidara grimaced. "I told you I don't like to do that."

"It's not blood this time though!"

"It's still your bodily fluids!"

Hidan shook his outstretched hand, sending some of the spit from it onto the floor. "A deal's a deal, D, we gotta have a contract and this is it!"

Sighing, the artist spit into his clay covered hand and offered it to hidan. They shook.

Hidan frowned at the clay now on his palm and wiped it on his pants. "Great! Get a list together of what we need and ill grab 'em tonight."

Hidan left after that, going off to do whatever it was he did during the day, leaving Deidara with his pot. He went back to work, not bothering to wash the spit off his hand yet. It’s not like adding it to the pot would hurt the guy's grade, he figured.

\-------------------------------------------------

After getting the list from Deidara the previous night, Hidan shows up the next back up at their apartment with the supplies. Deidara is impressed with his speed, but figures its best to yet again not ask questions.

Setting up a station for both of them to work, Deidara explained what they were going to do. Just starting out wouldn't be too difficult a task, but Hidan practically had two left hands when it came to this kind of crafting and they both knew it. So he goes over it carefully. "And then we'll take them to the kiln tonight. We'll do the same process tomorrow and maybe the next day depending. We have enough supplies for one or two mix ups but that's it, so I'll guide you through it, huh?" Hidan nods, giving an affirmation.

After Deidara gives the instructions, they work for a while in silence. It's not comfortable, but not uncomfortable either. Deidara soon has to pause to tie his long hair back in a bun, with a headband holding back any baby hairs.

Hidan looks him over. "You look like a mother."

"Well you look like a dickhead but I don’t go tellin' you that now, yeah?" Deidara said, not looking up from his clay.

"Shit goddamn, just making conversation, man."

"How the hell's that conversation?"

"It's better than sitting here all silent! Quiet makes me restless."

Deidara snorted. "That explains a lot, huh."

"Haha," the gray haired menace gave a fake laugh.

"If you wanna talk so badly, why not explain to me what you're plan is here then."

Hidan claps his hands on his thighs in excitement, but quickly takes them off when Deidara gives him a ‘get back to work’ glare and he realizes he got clay all over his pants again. “It’s simple. There’s a house party going on. We’re gonna crash it, and then we’re gonna set off the smoke bombs to end it.”

"Easy enough. So why are we crashing this party, though?"

"Cause Shikamaru is an asshole and stole my money. It’s his party we’re going to."

Deidar raised an eyebrow in surprise. "He stole from you? How?"

Hidan made an ugly face. "Fuckin’ cleaned me out at Shino’s poker game!"

"That doesn't sound like he stole from you, you know?" It probably wasn’t even his money to play with, he thinks.

"But he did!" Hidan threw his hands in the air. "’Cause I KNOW that asshole cheated! He’s a fuckin' card shark! He’s a lazy bastard, but he’s sneaky."

“That’s true,” Deidara conceded. 

“So for that, since I know he won’t admit it or give me my money back, his party is getting ruined,” Hidan smiled smugly.

“Always the reasonable one, you are, yeah?”

“Damn straight.”

\-------------------------------------------------

The night of the party, Hidan showed up to the apartment in a car that very much wasn’t his. Deidara stood outside, the smoke bombs secure in his messenger bag. He got in the car, but raised an eyebrow in question. 

Hidan shrugged. “Borrowed it. It’ll be easier to get out of dodge once shit hits the fan.”

“Can’t argue that.” Though Deidara did wonder who in their right mind would lend Hidan of all people their car.

The party was already in full swing when they arrived. It wasn’t very big, but it was big and seemingly fun enough. The duo parked, and Deidara gave Hidan the reminder of how to activate the bombs. They split up with a “Team break!” from Hidan and an eye-roll from Deidara. The former headed through the back considering he probably wasn’t too welcome there- not that it would stop him normally, though. Hidan went and planted their work in the top floor rooms while Deidara took the first floor. Deidara took a little extra time to at least grab a beer before finishing and meeting up with Hidan again. It is a party, after all.

The bombs were rigged to go off several minutes after they were activated, giving them enough time to get back to the car and wait. Hidan sat in the driver’s seat near giddy with excitement. It started about six minutes later- the front door opened, allowing a stream of party goers, including Shikamaru, and a flow of smoke to exit the house. Hidan laughed loudly clapping Deidara on the shoulder, who himself was smiling. They only left when they could hear the fire sirens heading close.

The drive home wasn’t too far, especially since Hidan drove at least 20 miles over the speed limit at any given time. He spoke over the radio as they drove, happy to get his petty revenge. Deidara nodded along with him, making sure to remind Hidan that he now has to fulfill his end of the deal.

Hidan nodded. “Yeah, no problem there, just let me know when-” He was cut off by flashing red and blue lights behind the. Both men groaned as Hidan pulled over. He rolled down his window and greeted the officer, handing over his (fake) ID. “Good evening, officer! See, we are really in a hurry and-”

The cop took one look at the ID and held up a hand. “I’m gonna need you both to step out of the car now.”

Deidara leaned over, looking confused. “But we were only speeding, yeah? So why do we gotta do that?”

The cop gave him a serious look. “This car was reported stolen earlier this evening. So I’ll need you both to get out of the car, now.”

Deidara pulled Hidan close to him by his collar, whisper-yelling in his ear, "You STOLE THE CAR??"

Looking almost offended, Hidan replied at regular volume, "I told you I did! Why are you surprised?!"

If looks could kill, Hidan would have dropped dead. "’CAUSE YOU TOLD ME YOU BORROWED IT, HUH?!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I MEANT BY ‘BORROWED’?!"

And with that, Hidan and Deidara spent the night in jail, but not before Hidan pestered the cops for a phone call first.

\-------------------------------------------------

"You guys really are ridiculous."

Hidan looked up, seeing Kisame on the other sides of the bars. He gave the napping Deidara a nudge. "Yo, D, Kisame’s here."

Deidara, who fell asleep while waiting, grumbled, not wanting to wake up yet. Hidan shoved him harder. "What, you WANT to stay here? Wake up asshole!"

Kisame felt himself grow older watching the two manchildren devolve into a small slapfight before finally gathering themselves. This really wasn’t how he wanted to spend his night. 

They received their belongings and paperwork, only to head out to the parking lot and be greeted by the same car Hidan apparently stole. Deidara stopped. “Wait, that’s-”

“The genius Hidan here stole my car,” Kisame clarified. “I’m lucky they’re letting me take it now, or else we’d all be taking an Uber back at your two’s expense.” 

Gathering inside, Kisame closed his door strenly, not yet starting the engine. “I don’t know why you took my car, Hidan, but I don’t think I have to explain what will happen if you do it again.” Hidan gave a half hearted ‘Yeah, yeah’ as Kisame pulled out, heading towards their apartment.

“Seriously, I will skewer you. You’re lucky I’m not pressing charges. The only reason I’m not is to avoid the headache of it all.”

“What I don’t get is why you would call Kisame when you stole his goddamn car?” Deidara asked Hidan.

"I agree,” Kisame added, “Why did you even call me?"

"For that exact reason!” Hidan explained. “And cause Sasori would just tell us to rot and Kakuzu would come and get us only to literally kill me. So you were really our only option."

"No one would blame Kakuzu either," Deidara added from the back seat. "We're kinda the worst tenants ever."

"You are, but you're not worth the headache of throwing out." Kisame would know, being unfortunate enough to live close enough to them and hearing every horror story about them from Kakuzu.

Kisame dropped them off, grunting when Deidara had enough manners to say ‘thanks.’ Hidan plopped on the couch once inside, saying “All in all, it could have been worse.”

Deidara just sighed, ready for bed despite his nap. “Just be ready for tomorrow. We’re heading to Michael’s first thing.”


End file.
